Tuesday, June 26, 2012

the history we are making

last night i made a big boo-boo. with the accidental click of a button i managed to delete 3 years worth of photo albums, including tags, comments, etc from my facebook. as soon as i realized what was happening i tried to stop it, but it was too late. and then the panic set in. i literally felt the anxiety wrapping around me in a choke-hold. i called my sister right away of course because i knew she wouldn't judge me for actually crying over my silly mistake. i kid you not when i tell you that i felt myself on the verge of a full-blown panic attack. over missing photos. on facebook. i still had all the photos on my laptop mind you. the only place they were missing from was facebook.

oh i cringe just sharing this all with you. it's almost embarrassing really.

it took a good minute for me to calm down and when i did i started to really think about why it had me so upset. it's only facebook afterall! and then i got angry that some stupid website could stir up all kinds of crazy emotions in me. a website! a website that practically governs our lives these days it feels like. i felt like part of my history had been erased and wondered what would happen when someone wanted to peruse through the last 3 years of my life on facebook?

come on. really?!?!

and at that moment i decided i was not going to stay upset about my mistake. life is so much more than the photos i post on facebook. i thought about all the people i know living in various parts of the world with no internet access and certainly no facebook. they don't have a personal history available on a website for anyone to see and they're none the wiser. in fact, many of them are probably happier... or should i say more content... just being present in their day-to-day life. because life- my life- is more than what i put on a website.

i spent this past weekend at the beach with my boyfriend and his family and i didn't take a single picture or post anything about it on facebook. on sunday my SIL even texted me to ask about the weekend, noting my lack of instagramming. while i do love instagram it felt kind of nice to have a private weekend. to not share details or photos with the world. to store up those memories in my heart instead of an online database.

at the end of the day it isn't about the photos i've taken, the witty comments i've left or the random posts about my day... the real thing i want to be concerned with is- have i loved well? did i leave a positive impact on those i came in contact with today? did my interaction with them leave them feeling cared about? heard? understood?

and let me tell you... i have so far to go in that area. so very far. i want to and i need to be more intentional with being present with people. learning how to love better. sharing the goodness of God's grace. having more face-to-face heart-to-heart interactions. that's the personal history i want to be making, because we all know... facebook isn't forever. but love- yes LOVE IS!

grace and peace,


*i hate disclaimers but i'm gonna use one anyway. this is not a hate on facebook, or twitter, or instagram or the internet at all. just merely some convictions i felt after such a strong emotional reaction to losing those photos. i love the internet as much as the next person and believe it can be used for a lot of good. and i don't necessarily plan on stopping taking photos or posting status updates anytime soon either. just trying to remind myself of where my priorities need to be!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

oh, hey there

what is it with me and these unintentional blogging hiatuses? i'd like to say i stopped blogging because i was just so busy enjoying my life that i had no time to write about all that was going on... and i guess that is partially true... but i think there was so much going on that sitting down to blog about it would mean really processing all the emotions i was feeling and let's face it- that just sounds exhausting. so i avoided blogging and did my best to process my emotions with those closest to me and even then i still struggled at times. but i digress...

i hate catch-up blog posts. being all, 'hey i know i haven't written in like 2 months so here's what i've been doing.' no offense to those of you who do that. hey, i've been guilty of it a time or 2... or 5. whatever. oy vey this post is heading downhill real fast.

so why write today? well, i've been sick for almost 3 weeks and i just found out yesterday that i tested positive for mono. otherwise known as the kissing disease. don't only teenagers get that? apparently not. figures i get a boyfriend and contract mono. haha. just hoping i haven't given it to him. girlfriend of the year right here. friday marks 2 months of our 'official' relationship status and we laugh all the time about how it feels like we've been together forever. i take that as a good sign.

so yeah i have the infamous mono and aside from vicodin for the god-awful sore throat i have and a steroid that i guess does something the major thing i need is rest. HAH! rest!?! don't get me wrong, i enjoy rest... but i struggle in not feeling guilty while i'm doing it. usually i have to work myself ragged in order to feel like i deserve it. terrible mentality that i'm working to change. heck, even God rested... although that was after 6 days of creating the universe and everything in it so well deserved i'd say.

anyways... i'm annoyed i have mono but at the same time relieved to at least know what's going on. i have been so exhausted the last few weeks and just feeling run down. i felt like maybe i was starting to get burned out on life. so much change was happening so fast and i was just trying to keep up with it all. i've been so blessed though to be surrounded by so many people who care and who are willing to take care of me and make sure i have what i need. sometimes it's hard to be on the receiving end but i'm learning that it's ok and to be grateful for it!

perhaps this forced rest will help me blog more. or perhaps i'll see you in another couple of months. haha. no promises.  ;)

oh and a few days late but i just have to give a shout out to my amazing pops... his kind, generous heart never ceases to amaze me. of all us kids there's no denying i'm the most like him. that's a badge i'll proudly wear. love you daddy!

hope the start of summer finds you all happy and well!
grace and peace,