Thursday, January 31, 2008

mmm books

i've been meaning to write in here more but haven't really gotten around to it. i'm trying not to spend much time on the computer which is easy to do when you're home most of the day and not working.

i took my dog daisy to get groomed today and she looks adorable. they cut her short and i love it. they did put a little bow in her hair but my little brother removed it as soon as he saw it. he hates those bows. i'm sure daisy hates them, too so i don't mind.

i'm almost done reading this book by shane claiborne called irresistable revolution and it is totally rocking my world. seriously i don't even know what to say because there are so many things i could say. ahhh! i love it when a book challenges everything you believe and makes you feel uncomfortable. as much as it sucks, it is so good to be reminded of that.

i also picked up this really awesome new fiction book called abomination. it's written by a christian author but it's about a serial killer and it is so intriguing. i'm having a hard time putting it down. speaking of which i'm going to go read now.


Friday, January 18, 2008

movie snob

i don't go to the movies very often... maybe once every couple of month. today however, i went to the movies twice and i saw the same movie. i'm such a dork, i know. so the movie is called 27 dresses and it's about this girl who is always a bridesmaid and she spends all of her free time helping everyone else have their magic moments and then she doesn't get her own. sounds a little familiar... haha... not exactly, but it was enough that i could really relate to the main character and that is probably why i enjoyed the movie so much.

i went this afternoon by myself which was a first for me. i don't think i've ever gone to the movies by myself and i'm not sure why. it's a lot of fun, especially when it is in the middle of the day. then my best friend lyryn calls me this afternoon and she wants to see the movie so we decided to do dinner and a movie. seeing as how the movie was one of the best romantic comedies i've seen in a long time i was game for seeing it again. it was fun watching it with lyryn the second time because she knows me and laughed at the similarities between me and the movie. such fun!

plus the movie kind of motivated me in a strange way. i feel a little liberated and i don't know why. haha! at least i don't feel depressed which is what can happen after sappy love movies.

now i'm spending some time on itunes discovering new good music... very exciting!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

naps are a very good thing

today was a very full day yet i still managed to sneak in a hour and a half long nap. hooray for that!

it started off with church this morning where i had the awesome privilege of leading worship. in the beginning i got a little emotional and overwhelmed at the thought that God would use me to lead all these people into His presence. i recognized how special and totally humbling that was and it took me aback for a minute. i was so blown away to see the way the congregation responded and just got into it. it was so beautiful to watch and be a part of. i'm definitely glad i went through the school of worship with ywam because i felt much more equipped and prepared for what i was doing. i'm excited to continue growing in that area!

i also feel like God clearly spoke to me this morning about my next steps. i feel at peace about it and i'm excited to get started. i'm really starting to feel more like myself again which is really nice. i think i realized that i'm much more of an introvert than i used to think. as much as i like being around people, spending a lot of alone time this past month has been really good for me. i feel more "charged" if that makes sense.

anyways, after church myy whole family went out to lunch because it was my sister-in-law kesh's birthday! we went to on the border which is so yummy. it was fun and pretty low-key which is unusual for my family... haha... my niece kyra was as cute as ever. she is just too stinking cute sometimes. i love it!

i took a nice nap later in the afternoon while the boys watched football. i like taking naps around other people which is kind of funny. i think i feel peaceful knowing there's other people around. after my nap i went out to a diner with my sister and her hubby. later on we met up with my dad and brother and went bowling for a little while. my dad's a good bowler but he hasn't gone in a while so he was a little rusty. we had a good time, though. hopefully we can get him to come with us again.

i'm really excited about the new few months and what God's gonna do with me. i feel like i might finally be at a point in my life where i can laugh at the days to come (as proverbs 31 puts it). that's what i want... to look at the future not with anxiety, but excitement and joy!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

busy saturday

today flew by in such a rush of events! we threw a baby shower for our friend stef at our house today. it was a surprise and thankfully she was very surprised! i love surprising people but the anticipation that leads up to it is so stressful. i hate that part! i'm always thinking, "just get here already so we can yell surprise and START this party!" haha...

anyways... tonight i babysat a few kiddos (including my fabulous niece) for my brother & sister-in-law's bible study group. the kids were really well behaved and i had fun. i love spending time with my niece kyra... she is too cute! it's kinda fun when her mom and dad aren't around because then i get hugs... haha... that sounds mean but it's true! i love getting her hugs but if mom's there then she gets them. i can't wait till she starts talking... it's gonna be great!

in other news- tomorrow i'm leading worship at church and then my family's going out afterwards to celebrate kesh's birthday. should be fun!

i think i'm gonna go watch some tv and then go to bed. i am wiped out.

Friday, January 11, 2008

parting with thee is such sweet sorrow

i think i'm going to cut my hair. sure, no big deal but i haven't done a drastic cut to the length in almost 2 years. my hair's pretty long right now and it hasn't been this long in probably 5 or 6 years. at the same time it's getting to the point where it's a pain to style and most of the time i end up pulling it back. usually that's a good sign to me that it's time for a new do.

considering how long it is right now i'm thinking about donating my hair to locks of love. they make prosthetic hair pieces for kids who've lost their hair due to medical conditions. i have a couple friends who have done it before and i think it's a really worthy cause. besides, it's just hair and i'm blessed that mine will grow back.

so now the question is, how do i style it? it's going to be short because i have to donate 10 inches of my hair which means when they cut the ponytail the back will only be a couple inches long. i love short hair styles but i always question whether i can pull it off. i have such a round face and i get self conscious about not being able to hide my face with my hair... haha... silly as that may sound.

i'm definitely going to give it more thought!

Wednesday, January 9, 2008


i guess it's about time i write in here again. i've been meaning to, but haven't gotten around to doing it yet. my lovely sister kate reminded me that i should and i agree.

i think one of the reasons i've been avoiding blogging (at least for the past month) are because i have yet to wrap my head around the things that i've experienced. i bought a journal to write about the events that took place while i was in denver, but could never bring myself to write in it. i kept telling myself that i would write later and later never came... until now. although the medium isn't exactly the same i think it will suffice. let me back up...

on october 1st i flew to denver to the ywam base where i did my dts last winter. this time i was going to attend their 12 week school of worship. i was really excited because worship is something i'm very passionate about so i was very anxious to dive into it more. my first few weeks there were tough as all these insecurities and feelings of rejection tried to creep in. i find that happens often when i meet a new group of people. again, God made me deal with the roots of those issues and i'm starting to realize that while God can and does "set us free" from things it doesn't mean that we won't ever deal with it again. i am a person and with that comes my inate ability to pick things up that i've laid down at God's feet.

needless to say after i got through all that i was able to open up and make some amazing friends. i really thought the chances of meeting amazing people like i did during dts was impossible and i'm happy to say i was wrong. my class of 18 people (9 guys and 9 girls) were like a tight-knit family. we did everything together and even though we spent hours together during the day we still wanted to be together during our free time. some of my favorite pasttimes from that are hanging out in the "war room" and being goofy... going to barnes and nobles to get chai and read a book... ooohhh and going to the zoo on their free admission days (i did that twice!).

our school was scheduled to graduate on dec 21st but that was cut short because early sunday morning (12:30am) on dec 9th a former ywam denver student came into our dorm and shot 4 staff members, injuring 2 and killing 2. looking back on that night i feel like i should have seen it coming, but obviously there was no forewarning. on saturday dec 8th we had our annual end of the quarter family as an entire community. since it was close to christmas it was a nicer meal and everyone was dressed up. after dinner we had a talent show which was short so the festivities ended around 8. like any other night most of my friends gathered in the war room to discuss our plans for the rest of the evening. we eventually decided to go bowling at the nearby bowling alley. about 12 of us from our school ended up going out that night. we would have normally tried to be back at the base by curfew (12am) but decided to call our school director and get permission to stay out a little past curfew so we could bowl a little more. he reluctantly said yes and so at about 12:30 we left the bowling alley to go back to the base which was only about a mile away. my friend andrew got a call on his cell phone when we were a block away. it was our friend stephen telling us not to come back to the base because there was a shooter there. immediately we all thought it was a joke but then we saw a police car racing towards the base and we realized it wasn't a joke.

we found out later that stephen was in the hall where the shooting took place while it was happening. he managed to slip into his dorm room unnoticed, which is a miracle in and of itself. i told him later that i knew God had blinded stephen from view. our car full of people then drove to our school director's house followed by another carful from the bowling alley. when we got to his house we didn't know any details and i experienced what i think was my first ever panic attack. my mind went to all my friends who were at the base and i was wondering who was shot and were they ok and when were we going to know and how could this happen? there were so many thoughts running through all of our heads. it felt like we were in a movie and at times it was so surreal and then you realized, this is no movie, this is happening here to us. throughout the next few hours we got news of what happened.

a 22 year old named matthew came to the base that night and asked if he could stay the night. tiffany, one of the victims, a staff member and friend did her job as the hospitality director and politely told him that he couldn't stay at the base, but that she could try to find him other housing for the night. soon after that he opened fire on tiff and 3 other staff members. he fled the scene and as you probably know prepared for his second round of shooting at new life church in colorado springs the next morning where he inevitably lost his own life.

when we got the news that tiff and phil didn't make it, my heart just sank. there was no way tiff, who was so full of life, passion, and hope, wasn't here anymore. but i just talked to her tonight and she hugged me and told me how beautiful i was. and 3 days ago she spent half an hour telling me her dreams and plans for her life. how could it just come to an end like that? those and many other questions were constantly in my mind over the coming days and i'm still wrestling with many of them now. how could this happen? did God know this was going to happen? why weren't they protected? why? why? why?

i know i probably won't get the answers to these questions, but i think it's ok to ask them anyway. i think it's part of the grieving and healing process. i don't think a day has gone by where i haven't thought about what happened and said "God, why?" i probably say it because i feel like there's nothing else to say. i hate the thought of knowing that people you love can just be ripped away from you. i hate that shooting people has become a trend for young people. i hate that there are people in this world who are even at a level in their life where they can come to the point of taking another life. i hate that i don't love people enough... especially the tough ones who need it most.

in all that though i still love because that's what God asks of me- to love Him and love people with all that i have. if there's anything i've taken from this experience it is that. tiff said it best when she said, "i'm gonna change this world by loving people."

i couldn't have said it better myself.