remembering

today marks 4 years since what many of us, who experienced that day, refer to as "the shooting." in some ways it feels like another life ago but at the same time like it was just yesterday. i guess that's pretty common when you walk through a tragedy such as that. my heart always aches a bit more on this day, especially when i think about the families who are going through another holiday season without tiffany or phil. grief and loss are such difficult processes to walk through and i pray that God continues to bring peace and comfort to their families hearts.

i do rejoice today though in the lives that have been touched as a result of their sacrifice. God can and does use even the most tragic events to bring people to Him. as a result of tiff's scholarship fund several young people have had the opportunity to develop a passion for missions like she had. what an incredible legacy you have left my friend.

sending love to all my ywam family today. wishing i could sit and chat and hug each one of you. we're scattered all over the world now but i am so grateful that we can come together on this day and really remember.

grace and peace,

remembering

december 9th will forever hold significance in my heart. it will always be a day that i reflect on these events and thank God for the sacrifice of my friends. it will always stand as a reminder to me of how fragile life is and to be grateful for each day i am given. it will always cause me to stop and reflect on the miraculous events that kept me and many others only minutes from being right in the midst of it. 2 years later and thinking through all the 'what-ifs' kept me up last night, although it was the first time in a long time and for that i am grateful.

my heart is with my ywam family today and the families of tiff & phil. i know the loss i felt that day which pales in comparison with theirs. i pray God's peace on them today and all those who were touched by tragedy that day.

but i am still filled with hope. hope of a time when tears will cease and joy will be everlasting. it's in that place that tiff & phil now reside and the thought of that comforts me today. they are dancing and laughing and i'm sure enjoying their time in the presence of the almighty. so on this day i take time to remember their sacrifice and to let them know that i have not forgotten. Their legacy of love is part of what drives me today and for that i am so thankful.

adventures in the making

i love to travel.

no, not the actual packing part or even the waiting in airport security line part. but rather the experiencing-the-culture part.

i find the diversity in the different places of this world so fascinating. over 6 billion people live on this little planet, many of whom are operating their life in their own cultural bubble. each with their own ways of doing things... their own traditions... their own foods... their own outlook on the rest of the world. it really is incredible.

while i enjoy my own bubble as well as the rest of you, i love breaking free of its constraints and seeing the world through fresh eyes. it brings things back into perspective and makes me appreciate the history and beauty this spherical thing called earth provides.

all that to say i get to see a new place soon. in june i get to go to england and experience all the lovliness it has to offer... including my dear sweet friend jenny who i haven't seen in 2 years. jenny was one of my roommates during my dts days at ywam denver and she is one of the most incredible people i have ever met. she is so encouraging and challenging and absolutely precious. i'm doubley blessed because i get to go with alyssa (another dts roomie) so the 3 of us will be reminiscing and rekindling our beautiful friendship through 12 days in england.

why am i fortunate enough to get to live this life?
seriously.

all i can say is that serving jesus has its perks. and i mean that in the best way. when you give up your life (as in your expectations and perceptions of what it should be) and relase it jesus to do with it as He sees fit you receive a beautiful gift- a life full of adventure and excitement with new things always around the corner.

here's a line from an amazing song that describes it for me:
so take me as you find me
all my fears and failures
fill my life again
i give my life to follow
everything i believe in
now i surrender

beauty from ashes

i find myself reflecting on the events of this day 1 year ago today. this day really is filled with lots of good memories that i haven't allowed myself to reflect on because they became clouded by sadness. thanks to a good chat with a friend tonight i allowed myself to go back to that night and to the beautiful memories that i have...

... memories of decorating ywam denver for christmas. i got to decorate the tree in the lobby with some friends and it was so much fun transforming our home into something festive and fun... then rushing to get all dressed up with way too many girls in our little bathroom all squeezing in for some mirror space. as we headed downstairs we found the boys all dressed up like we hadn't seen them before... many of them shaved after a horrific month of putting up with mustaches... yuck! we were treated to a fantastic dinner with perfectly cooked meat and yummy vegetables and then finished it off with a fancy chocolate fountain. there were all kinds of treats for dipping... strawberries... marshmallows... mmmm!

after dinner we all crammed into the worship center for some talent show fun. we watched little kids try to sing "away in a manger" without peeing their pants in front of an eager audience... we heard beautiful renditions of christmas songs... and then we heard the 'school of worship' boys since a very different version of the 12 days of christmas. it was entertaining and so much fun.

i'm glad those memories came back to me tonight. i needed to remember the laughs and the smiles and the amazing friends God gave to me. while tiff and phil might not be here any longer i'm grateful for the time i had with them. i'm so glad i had a moment with tiff that night where i got one of her incredible hugs and a word of encouragement that she was always so faithful to give. those are the moments that i'm holding onto tonight.

i'm doing my best to live out the life of love that they left behind. it's a way to honor their life and the sacrifice they made.

i'm a different person because of what happened a year ago, but i can see how God has been making beauty out of ashes and that leaves me with a smile today instead of tears.