oh, hey there

what is it with me and these unintentional blogging hiatuses? i'd like to say i stopped blogging because i was just so busy enjoying my life that i had no time to write about all that was going on... and i guess that is partially true... but i think there was so much going on that sitting down to blog about it would mean really processing all the emotions i was feeling and let's face it- that just sounds exhausting. so i avoided blogging and did my best to process my emotions with those closest to me and even then i still struggled at times. but i digress...

i hate catch-up blog posts. being all, 'hey i know i haven't written in like 2 months so here's what i've been doing.' no offense to those of you who do that. hey, i've been guilty of it a time or 2... or 5. whatever. oy vey this post is heading downhill real fast.

so why write today? well, i've been sick for almost 3 weeks and i just found out yesterday that i tested positive for mono. otherwise known as the kissing disease. don't only teenagers get that? apparently not. figures i get a boyfriend and contract mono. haha. just hoping i haven't given it to him. girlfriend of the year right here. friday marks 2 months of our 'official' relationship status and we laugh all the time about how it feels like we've been together forever. i take that as a good sign.

so yeah i have the infamous mono and aside from vicodin for the god-awful sore throat i have and a steroid that i guess does something the major thing i need is rest. HAH! rest!?! don't get me wrong, i enjoy rest... but i struggle in not feeling guilty while i'm doing it. usually i have to work myself ragged in order to feel like i deserve it. terrible mentality that i'm working to change. heck, even God rested... although that was after 6 days of creating the universe and everything in it so well deserved i'd say.

anyways... i'm annoyed i have mono but at the same time relieved to at least know what's going on. i have been so exhausted the last few weeks and just feeling run down. i felt like maybe i was starting to get burned out on life. so much change was happening so fast and i was just trying to keep up with it all. i've been so blessed though to be surrounded by so many people who care and who are willing to take care of me and make sure i have what i need. sometimes it's hard to be on the receiving end but i'm learning that it's ok and to be grateful for it!

perhaps this forced rest will help me blog more. or perhaps i'll see you in another couple of months. haha. no promises.  ;)

oh and a few days late but i just have to give a shout out to my amazing pops... his kind, generous heart never ceases to amaze me. of all us kids there's no denying i'm the most like him. that's a badge i'll proudly wear. love you daddy!

hope the start of summer finds you all happy and well!
grace and peace,

 

social network ramblings

i took a break from facebook for lent. my motivations weren't completely holy and righteous. in all honesty i was overwhelmed at the time with all that was happening in my life and i realized how important my privacy was to me. i had no idea how to begin telling people or who to tell and the thought of my business being put out on facebook sent me over the edge. it was then that i realized lent was about to begin and so i decided to give up facebook. for the most part it was an easy decision, but at the same time difficult, knowing how many people i would disconnect with.

on sunday night i reactivated my facebook account and then proceeded to delete about 170 of my "friends." funny that facebook chooses to word it like that. friends? really? since when are people from high school (who never talked to me then) considered friends? i just find it interesting. i guess my perspective has changed a lot and maybe i'm a bit jaded, but it's where i'm at. i just realize that facebook is an excuse to be nosy and dig into the lives of people you would otherwise have no business digging into. now, don't get me wrong here... i realize the benefits of facebook and i love it for the ways it allows me to keep in touch with actual friends around the world and family members who i don't get to see often. i'm not referring to that. i just know that for me, right now in this stage of life, i want to keep that space a bit more private and reserved for those i do feel close to.

i realize that this might sound completely contradictory considering the fact that i have a blog that anyone in the world has access to... and if people stumble across it then so be it. i know what i'm putting out there and that i might be surprised to actually know who reads. in fact, i've been surprised by the number of people who found out what's been happening in my life because of my blog. people i had no idea read... you know who you are! haha! so comment once in a while would ya?

i don't know where i'm going with this post. it has been weird though... being back on facebook... changing my "engaged" relationship status and then deleting the post from my feed so people don't notice. ugh. honestly i've felt so dirty since being back on. does that sound weird? yeah, probably. it's hard to explain. i just don't wanna get sucked back into the vortex of it. i've enjoyed my extra time from being off it and i know jesus has, too since it meant more time for him. man, sometimes i have things so backwards.

so that's where i'm at with all of that.

no easter recap for me. it was a beautiful day, but also a really hard one for me for a number of reasons. i spent several hours of it crying, but thank God for good friends and family who were there to listen. life is hard sometimes and it's ok to admit that. sometimes even freeing.

lost another pound and a half this week which means i'm at 27lbs total. can't wait to cross that 30lb threshhold. hoo to the ray.

grace and peace,

 

new season

i decided it's time for a blog change... i've called my blog "musings of a wanderer" since i switched to the blogger platform in 2007. at that time in my life i was wandering... heck that year alone i traveled to 5 countries and only spent 3 months that year at "home" in pa. i was on a journey of discovering who i was and what i wanted to do with my life. i didn't feel like home was any one specific place so therefore i was a wanderer... making my home and taking up residence wherever i was at the time.

fast foward to 2010. a lot has changed. i bought my first home in may and moved out of my parent's house, i got involved in a new church plant in the city i moved into and i'm settling more into my role at work. yeah, i still spent a month in africa, but i now know where home is for a while and i'm content with that. in fact it brings me so much to joy to say that!

so i'm gonna make a few changes on the old blog here, which will hopefully lead to me posting more. i think i felt like i couldn't post about everyday life because so many people who read this blog do so soley to hear about my overseas adventures. and because, how can i post about my home when i call it "musings of a wanderer?" so now it's simply "the life of susan." i've owned that domain (www.thelifeofsusan.com) for a couple years now and never really did much with it. so now it's linked up to the blog. i changed my twitter name to reflect that as well (@thelifeofsusan). afterall, that's what i want this blog to be about- my life. the ups, the downs, the good, the bad and the beautiful!

so join me as i share about my adventures in being a homeowner... my obessions with all things crafty... my occasional worldwide adventures... my journey to being the best aunt ever to my 3 amazing nieces and oh so much more!

life's little blessings

i've been on a bit of an unintentional blogging hiatus but in my defense i have been very busy. you see literally the day after my last post i had one of the most memorable conversations of my life where i was told by a boy, that i very much admired, how amazing i was and how he wanted to pursue a relationship with me. yeah, i know. pretty good news. it was shocking to me as i've never had a guy be so up front with me about his feelings before, but it was so unbelievably refreshing! so the last 6 1/2 weeks have involved lots of long phone conversations and late night chats by the car as we probably set the record for the longest goodbye ever. oh new love... it makes us do funny things.

so here's a little photo for you of my boyfriend gerald and i (yup i love that i can say boyfriend now... haha). he's smart and funny and sweet and loving and gentle and the list goes on and on. i'm sure i'll expand on all that another time. there's more exciting news to share!

i bought a house! almost 2 weeks ago i settled on an adorable townhome in the city that i've grown to love. i knew last summer that God was calling me to move to this community but i had no idea the amazing plans that He had set for me. under normal circumstances i would never be able to be in this place, but He worked out all the details in a way that all credit can only be given to Him!

my life has been consumed with painting, lifting heavy furniture, lots of shopping and way too much check writing. the feeling i have at the end of each day when i get to just rest and soak it all in is so wonderful. this is MY home! God has entrusted me with this place and i am so happy. i'm surrounded with such great people (including my pastors and several of my church family) which made this feel like home so much quicker!

i will update with before & after pictures soon. i'm still in the middle of getting everything how i want it, which i'm sure will be a forever process, but i like how it's all coming together. so hopefully i'll have more to show you soon!

i also had the privilege of witnessing my beautiful niece emeline kay enter the world on may 10th. she has already added so much joy to our family and i love watching my sister in her new role of "mommy." she's doing an amazing job and with such grace. i'm blown away with how calm she has handled this crazy transition in her life. makes me think i'll actually be able to do it someday, too. haha!

so as you can tell life has been busy, busy, busy but so very good! thanks for sticking with me on this crazy ride. :)

new year, new eyes

i'm in a good mood today so i figured that's an excuse to blog. i'll admit i've been seriously lacking on the blog-writing front. i think i'm suffering from a blog-identity crisis. is this a place where i write about my daily happenings? a place to document my random thoughts? a place where i share about my worldly adventures? yes, yes and yes. it is all of the above and probably more and i think that's ok. this blog is my little corner of the world to share what i want and it doesn't have to flow perfectly together, because let's face it- my life doesn't always flow like a calm little stream. it's more like a raging river with lots of rocks and waterfalls, but that's so much more exciting.

i feel like the last few months has been such an emotionally intense time for me. i've been going through so much growth as a person and coming to grips with true realities of life and also the false ones i've allowed myself to believe for so long. there's been ups and downs and lots of tears shed, but i'm growing and learning so much about who i am and why i am the way i am. it's amazing to me as i learn more about why i respond certain ways and what my triggers are that send me over the edge. processing through all of that has been difficult, but so healing as well. and once again the lord has me in another season of digging deeper within myself to uncover those things that i've tried to keep hidden and exposing myself to those around me, because it's only in that exposing that i become free.

on christmas day my family visited my 87 year old grandmother (my mom's mom) because she's pretty much house-ridden. her mind is slowly going and she doesn't remember as much. i'll admit, the relationship with my nannie has always been an interesting one. she never showed a lot of interest in what we were doing and isn't exactly a 'nuturer' by nature so there hasn't been much of an emotional connection. but it meant a lot to my mom for us to go so we went. there was this framed picture on top of her armoire and she said it was a picture of her as a little girl in her parent's apartment. my nannie was an only child, a critical piece of information that i somehow at 27 just learned about her, which i feel explains a lot about the way she interacted (or didn't) with her kids & grandkids. she somehow managed to have 7 children and basically support them herself as she was married to an abusive alcoholic. for some reason when i looked at that picture of my nannie it made her seem more human to me. i know that sounds strange, but seeing her as a child and seeing her now as this 87-year old frail woman, who is slowly reverting back to childish ways, it just did something to me. there are reasons why my nannie was never able to shower us with the love and affection we so desperately wanted from her, but yet she did in her own way. as kids she always remembered our birthdays and the money she faithfully put inside. she would stop at our house on her saturday drives to lancaster just to check in, even if it was just for a few minutes. i see now that was her way of caring.

there are reasons why all of us act the way we do, most of which revert back to early childhood experiences. the more i learn about this the more i'm able to see people in a different light and not be so easily offended. we've all been hurt and wounded by other people in one way or another and it affects the way we interact with others, especially those we are close to. i feel like my eyes have been opened and i'm seeing people for the first time. i guess it's a bit how God feels when He looks at us, because He sees it all and knows it all and chooses to shower His love and compassion on us. it's so humbling and makes me so very grateful.

so all that to say, my heart is looking forward to the days ahead. i don't know what's in store, but i know the One who does and i'm resting in that today.

t-minus 2 days

i can't believe i'm getting ready to leave again. it doesn't feel as real this time... maybe because i've already done it. either way, i'm really going. this time though i feel like i'm leaving with more of a sadness in my heart. i'm going to miss some big things this time... the birth of my best friend's baby... my niece's first birthday... christmas preparations... which is my all-time favorite part of the year. i love coming home after a day of work to a cozy decorated house and a beautifully lit tree. it just does something to me. come to think of it, who is going to decorate the house and the tree if i'm not here? i'm the "git-r-done" one around here who makes things happen. poor mom is on her own. maybe kate will come over and help her...

don't get me wrong, i'm excited about going back to denver. there are some really special people there that i can't wait to reconnect with. i just need to keep telling myself that it's going to be different this time. if i don't prepare myself i could be really disappointed and that wouldn't be good. i know it won't be the same as dts and it can't be... it's not the same people. this is a new chapter full of new friends and new experiences and i need to keep that at the forefront of my mind. i forget what the beginning of dts was like when nobody knew each other and we were all trying to find where we fit. it'll be strange to feel that all over again.

i know that the school of worship is something that i want to do though. i just feel like i need to do it now before i can make excuses not to. it's going to be a challenge for me and probably at times very hard and stretching, but i need that right now. i don't want to be comfortable all the time. how else will i grow? i'm not alone though and i know that. life's about taking risks but i can rest in the fact that when i jump i know who is there to catch me.

this will be a new season for me... one that will probably be very pivotal for me... i just don't know how yet. people have asked me what i hope to accomplish after this school and i really don't know. i just know that i have a passion to worship and i feel God the most when i do so i'm gonna run after that with everything that i have.

thank God we only have to do things one day at a time...