"Today, I ask You to search my heart and destroy the strongholds of pride and ego. Help me to recognize prideful thoughts and actions in my life."so i prayed, finished my coffee and got ready for my day, not giving it much more thought. i had to get gas this morning so i went to a different place than usual because i also had to return a movie to a blockbuster express kiosk. i don't usually rent from those because there's a redbox literally 1 block from my house (at the gas station that i normally go to); however, yesterday i saw that there was a promo code for a free rental from blockbuster express so i decided to try it out. to make a long story short, i ended up being faced with a situation where i had a choice to make. to help someone out or walk right by them. today i chose the former.
as i pulled out of the gas station i felt it... that little puff of pride trying to creep its way in... whispering in my ear how great i was for what i did... pondering how many people i would tell about this act of kindness... should i tweet it? facebook it? text someone? after all- people need to know how wonderful i am!
then it all came flooding back to me. i had just read a devotional this morning about pride. that the source of it is insecurity and a preoccupation with self. and that it puts a wedge between me and God. i had even prayed a prayer asking God to show me my own prideful actions and he had answered.
why do i still want to look to others for approval and validation? isn't it enough that my heavenly Father sees my heart and rejoices when i am able to bless others? this is one of the daily struggles of being a follower of jesus. it's that constant having to "die" to yourself and your selfish behaviors. it's that knowledge that in your very weakness, God's strength can be revealed. it's that recognition that we are all saved by grace and have done nothing to earn the love that God so freely gives.
i'm so thankful for a savior who loves me enough to point out my areas of weakness in a way that ultimately leads me back where i belong... at the foot of cross... it's the place i need to be... the place i want to be.