this is it

today's the day. i'm running my first 5k.

sometimes i wonder how i got here. in june i attempted to run a mile with my brother at the beach and it was pure torture. i somehow managed to do it but i thought i was gonna die. i wanted to give up so many times, but my brother's constant "you can do it" and "just a little farther" managed to keep me going. when i finished i felt exhausted, but on top of the world. by God's grace i had completed something that seemed so ominous, so impossible. i loved that feeling. i wanted more of that. so when my neighbor told me about a local 5k and asked me to run with her i told her yes. i finally put that couch to 5k app on my phone to good use and started training. i love how it eases you into running. it kept me motivated and feeling like i accomplished something each time. love that.

last week i ran the longest i had yet. 20 minutes of non-stop running and i felt great. in fact i even cried when i finished. i was just overwhelmed with how far i have come physically and the things my body is capable of doing now and so very grateful for the pounds that i've been able to shed this year (54 baby- oh yeah!). on sunday i pushed myself and made it to 25 minutes- just over 2 miles. i was excited, but nervous for today. so on tuesday i decided i was going to go for 3 miles. i set my phone to a distance run of 3 miles and off i went. when the app notified me i had completed 1 mile i had to chuckle to myself because i thought back to that first mile at the beach with my brother. i remembered how hard that was and here i was about to run 2 more miles. about halfway through my 2nd mile i started to get nervous. it was hot. i was tired. i wanted to stop. it was such a mind game for me. if only you could have been in my head at the time hearing the pep talks i was giving myself. when i run i literally have to tell myself over and over again- "YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU ARE STRONG! DON'T STOP!" somehow it works. but that last mile was tough. i was so close to stopping but then the biebster came on with "never say never" and there was no way i was gonna let myself stop with that song blasting in my ears. thank you justin for your quirky pop music that somehow keeps my butt in gear.

i'm not gonna lie- when i finished i thought i was gonna hurl. i was exhausted. i had pushed myself to the limit. i thought i was gonna pass out. i didn't. i chugged some water and shared the good news with my neighbors. i sent text messages to my family that pretty much said, "holy crap i just ran 3 miles." haha. they encouraged me. they cheered me on. i tweeted it and got so much support. it's just so crazy to me that i'm here. that i am capable of doing this. wow.

so all that to say i think i'm ready for tonight. i'm nervous as heck but that's typical for me. whenever i get myself in a new situation and i have no idea how things are gonna turn out i go all type A and freak out. so a lot of that is happening today but it's all good. when the race starts i'm just gonna run and hopefully keep running until i cross that finish line. will i be crying? it's quite possible. just the thought of that finish line has set me into tears the last couple days. this is such an emotional experience for me... it's hard to explain. with everything that has happened this year- to be here... doing this... it's just nuts. and a testimony to God's grace and goodness. that he's managed to bring me through all the pain and struggle the past 6-7 months and produce a stronger, healthier person... it's humbling.

i could probably ramble on an on about this especially in my nervous state so i'll stop now. thanks for all the cheers and prayers. send them my way this evening around 6:30.  :)

much love,