going for my goals

i'm in my 21st week of doing weight watchers and i'm still constantly amazed at the progress i'm making and the positive changes happening in my life. as of yesterday i am down 35.5lbs. that's an average of 1.7lbs a week which is right on track for healthy weight loss. i've been at this process for almost half a year! that's just crazy to me.

does it sound like i'm tooting my own horn? oh wait... i am! because i am proud of sticking with this. i'm proud of my discipline and my self control. although i couldn't have done this without God giving me strength daily... let's be honest. or my amazing sister who i get to walk this journey with. i think healthy positive reinforcement is a good thing and man- i just feel good!

i found a picture from christmas and put it side-by-side with a photo my sister took of me on sunday. i see the difference... do you?

 

for any of you on this weight loss journey- don't give up! this isn't about quick results. you are changing your life one day at a time. we all have bad days. trust me- i've been there. in the midst of all of this i lost one of the most special relationships i had. if anyone had a reason to give up, it was me. and i'm so glad i didn't. in fact, i think sticking with this during my difficult season has given me something positive to focus on and allowed me to do this for myself and no one else. i'm learning how strong God actually created me to be and i love it. i feel so empowered!

it's not over yet though! and you wanna know the truth? oh gosh... i can't believe i'm gonna write this...

i'm only halfway there.

oh man.

yup.

my goal? the one i've been so afraid to voice? is to lose 70lbs... by the end of the year if at all possible.

...........

i hate setting goals. i've never been a goal setter. because? i have an intense fear of failure. what if i set a goal and i don't meet it? i don't wanna put all that pressure on myself! but you know what? this is a new season for me. a season of growing and stretching and becoming all God wants me to be and that includes letting go of my fears!!! so there you go. i set a goal. and my worth and value are not based upon whether i reach it or not. i'm loved regardless. so boo to you failure. i don't care about you anymore. you aren't gonna have power over me anymore.

wow. i feel even more empowered now. haha. that was awesome.

thanks for your support as i travel this crazy adventure.

 

embrace the fireball

you know those seasons in life where it feels like you're under immense pressure? where every day a new challenge seems to surface that has you clinging to your next breath? when it seems like God is trying to deal with every issue of your heart all at once?

in my community of believers we like to refer to that as the "fireball."

and we talk often about embracing the fireball... clinging to it and allowing God to do the difficult work in our hearts. but it's hot. oh so very hot. and it's uncomfortable. and can i please just drop this thing now and move on?

that's often our typical response... at least it's mine. i wanna rebel against this fireball that feels like it's burning up every part of me. although, i suppose that's the point. less of me. more of HIM.

but it's still hard. and it hurts. and did i mention it's hard? this whole refining process... dealing with the skeletons in the closet... examining the inner workings of your heart... reconciling relationships instead of cutting off... this isn't easy stuff.

i was reading james this morning and decided to read from the message translation. here's verses 2-4 from chapter 1.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

yup, i can identify with that. but consider it a gift? what??? you mean i should embrace this fireball as a gift? as in receive it with open arms? such a far stretch from my natural human inclination. it's that age old question really... fight or flight? am i going to fight my way through this, knowing that i'll be drawn closer to my savior, or run away and delay the process even more? because if i don't deal with these things now, i'll just have to deal with them later.

a few verses down james says this (verse 12):

Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.

oh be still my heart! loyally in love with God? yes! that is what i want to be! because you better believe i want life and more life. and if that is my reward for being loyally in love with God then yes!

so i will do my best to choose to embrace the fireball. to trust the process that will ultimately lead me into the most fulfilling, inspiring, exciting life with my Creator, my Father, my Savior, my Friend.

grace and peace to you today...

 

at the foot of the cross

my daily girlfriends in God devotional this morning was really convicting. it was talking about pride, which is something we can all probably relate to on some level, although who wants to admit that? at the end of the devotional was a simple prayer. i'll admit, most days i just kinda skim the prayer. but today? i read it out loud and really tried to focus on what i was praying. one of the lines was this,

"Today, I ask You to search my heart and destroy the strongholds of pride and ego. Help me to recognize prideful thoughts and actions in my life."

so i prayed, finished my coffee and got ready for my day, not giving it much more thought. i had to get gas this morning so i went to a different place than usual because i also had to return a movie to a blockbuster express kiosk. i don't usually rent from those because there's a redbox literally 1 block from my house (at the gas station that i normally go to); however, yesterday i saw that there was a promo code for a free rental from blockbuster express so i decided to try it out. to make a long story short, i ended up being faced with a situation where i had a choice to make. to help someone out or walk right by them. today i chose the former.

as i pulled out of the gas station i felt it... that little puff of pride trying to creep its way in... whispering in my ear how great i was for what i did... pondering how many people i would tell about this act of kindness... should i tweet it? facebook it? text someone? after all- people need to know how wonderful i am!

ugh.

then it all came flooding back to me. i had just read a devotional this morning about pride. that the source of it is insecurity and a preoccupation with self. and that it puts a wedge between me and God. i had even prayed a prayer asking God to show me my own prideful actions and he had answered.

why do i still want to look to others for approval and validation? isn't it enough that my heavenly Father sees my heart and rejoices when i am able to bless others? this is one of the daily struggles of being a follower of jesus. it's that constant having to "die" to yourself and your selfish behaviors. it's that knowledge that in your very weakness, God's strength can be revealed. it's that recognition that we are all saved by grace and have done nothing to earn the love that God so freely gives.

i'm so thankful for a savior who loves me enough to point out my areas of weakness in a way that ultimately leads me back where i belong... at the foot of cross... it's the place i need to be... the place i want to be.