part of the wreckage

ethnocentrism.
homogeneous.
assimilation.


these are words that a few years ago were barely in my vocabulary. but once i heard them... understood their meaning... i couldn't go back. you know those moments where you learn something you had been ignorant of for so long and you realize then that you have a choice? you can bury that new information... stuff it down so low that you don't have to think about it. or you can let it wreck you. and i mean that in the best way possible. you can let it wreck you to the point that your entire life changes and you are never the same again. i think out of those moments are birthed movements of justice... organizations that leave lasting impact... and people who become world changers.

a wise friend once told me that knowledge equals responsibility. i've never heard a more truer statement.

in 2009 i took a class that, i believe, altered the course of my life as i knew it. it was a class on racial reconciliation. we met once a week on wednesday night over the course of a few months. it was in that class that my eyes were opened to see the gospel in an entire new light. my heart broke as i saw my own inhumanity... as i recognized how little i understood about the principles of the kingdom of God... as i saw areas in my own heart that were clouded by racism and prejudice. i was faced with my own ignorance... a hard pill to swallow.

but i am forever grateful. God has woven my life together with some of the most incredibly beautiful, loving, tender-hearted people who are so uniquely different from me but yet add such richness to my life. i honestly don't know how i would have survived this year without them. without their prayers. their hugs. their tears. their love. i'm humbled by my community each and every day.

this weekend our church hosted a racial reconciliation conference. the course that i took over several months crammed into 2 days. it was our first time opening it up to the public and God brought the people together in such a beautiful way. as i sat through those teachings i allowed myself to be wrecked again. to be reminded of why i'm doing what i'm doing. why i live where i live. and boy did he wreck me. it forced me to look at some of my actions in the past, especially in regards to my relationship that ended this year, and i realized some of the damage i caused... some of the mistakes i made as a white woman in a relationship with a black man... how had i analyzed every area of our relationship except the racial dynamic? maybe it wasn't time until now for me to see it. i don't know. i can't change the things that happened but i can learn from them. i intend to do that.

i have so much more i could share on this topic but for now i'll leave it at that. oh being broken isn't fun and it isn't easy but it is so worth it.


grace and peace,