weight watchers vlog intro

so it's no secret that my sister kate and i have been on the weight watchers train since january. and i think it's no secret that we love the program a whole lot and are amazed at the results we've achieved so far! i'm down 25.5lbs. can i get an amen? :)

after throwing the idea out into twitter-land and receiving some positive feedback on our idea, we decided to do a vlog together to share our experiences. obviously it can't all be summed up in one video (or it would be foreverrrrrrrrr long) so hopefully this is the first of more to come.



if you have any questions feel free to leave them in the comments section and i'll do my best to respond or cover it in a future vlog. thanks for the support and encouragement. it's nice to know we aren't alone on this journey and that we've got people cheering us on!

and no, we were not asked or compensated by WW to do this... it's only out of our love and devotion for the program that we're sharing all this. haha... but who knows? maybe one day we'll end up on a commercial? sike. but it would be cool.

have a lovely day!


 

such a gift

i have to be honest. hitting publish on that post yesterday wasn't easy. i knew the risk i was taking... giving you a very small glimpse into my raw emotions. being completely real and vulnerable with where i was in that very moment. what you read on my blog is not a full picture of everything that is going on- it's just what i choose to show you at different times. or what i feel like expressing at any given moment.


i know how hard it is to see someone in pain and all you want to do is help and say something that will make them feel better. i've been there. it's awful. we all want to have the magic wand that can make it go away, but the reality is that we can't. if i've learned anything so far it's that people need someone to just sit with them through the pain. to let them just be. i have a dear friend who lets me come over at any hour of the day and who knows she doesn't have to entertain me. sometimes i'll be doing work in the kitchen while she plays with her kids. other times i'll be on her patio reading a book while she gardens. there's no pressure to talk or express feelings unless i desire to. and when i do, she's there to listen and say i'm sorry and give me a hug. that friendship has been a true gift to me in this season. she knows that nothing she says will change my circumstances, so she offers the best gift she can- her presence. the gift of being present in my pain. pulling me out of my isolation and not letting me be left alone. i don't know how i will ever be able to thank her.

i can only hope that as i work through this and hopefully come out stronger on the other side that i will be able to be that kind of friend. one who can say, "my door is always open. if you want to talk, talk. if you don't- well that's ok, too." i think in this crazy, broken, mixed-up world all everyone wants to know is that they aren't alone. the greatest gift we can offer to people is that comfort. this is why i love community. this is why i love MY community. so many loving arms willing to embrace me despite the tear-stains i leave on their shirts. who don't get upset that i'm still crying about this, but instead tell me to take as long as i need. who remind me that i'm grieving a loss. that it's ok if i wake up and have no motivation. to stop striving to perform and trying to repress the pain. to let myself be present in my emotions.

such a gift. and there is gratitude in my heart today- especially for that.

let me off

i'm angry.

and i'm hyper-sensitive to everything. i'm always on the verge of another breakdown.

the littlest things set me off. i'm mad at people who've done nothing wrong to me but in my mind they have. they don't call enough. they call too much. they always ask me how i am. they never ask me how i am.

and then there's all the "you're so strong" comments.

i don't feel strong.

i feel crazy.

i feel trapped on this spinning amusement park ride and i just want to yell at the guy holding the controls to "let me off already!" but i keep spinning. around and around and around.

this week has been so hard. saturday was his middle son's 5th birthday and i couldn't do anything all day. i sat at home alone and that's not how it was supposed to be. we were supposed to be celebrating together. it's now been over 2 weeks since i even last "saw" him. 6 weeks since i received that devastating phone call. and this friday marks 1 year since we first shared our feelings with one another and began our relationship journey.

this sucks. big time. i feel so vacant and hollow inside. a shell of a person walking around trying to make sense of this craziness. i know i'm not alone, but yet i am. this is not how it's supposed to be.

most days i feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the candy aisle screaming at God that IT'S NOT FAIR! why can't i have what i want? why did you do this to me? what did i do to deserve this? why. why. why.

the age old question i guess.

ugh. i almost hate that i'm even putting this out here on my blog. i hate that this is who i am right now. bitter. angry. sad. depressed. anxious.

this is real and this is raw and this is where i am. not much gratitude today.