Friday, March 11, 2011


i started to think about this word perspective tonight... how we all see things through the lens of our life- through our own experiences, hurt, pain, emotion. it often influences our interactions with others. i encountered this tonight while i was at a class offered by my church. a woman, who i don't know very well, came up to me before class and tried to make small talk. given my current situation i was a little quiet and reserved and wasn't able to really engage in conversation with her. she walked away seeming a bit embarrassed by what appeared to be my rejection of her, but what was in actuality me being self-absorbed in my own pain and unable to connect with her even in the most basic of ways.

my scope of viewing the world and people has been altered by recent events, but i'm not the only one affected by that- others around me are as well. another example: at the end of the night a different woman realized that her car had been broken into. someone took a brick and threw it into the passenger side window of her car and stole the GPS off her dash. the woman was obviously very distraught but i found it hard to have much compassion for her. why? because i was viewing through my lens of hurt, anger and frustration. i wanted to scream at her, "you're really so upset over a broken window? that can be fixed! you can buy a new GPS tomorrow! what about my life that looks like that shattered glass all over the pavement? this is not fixable today or tomorrow or even the next day!"


obviously i didn't scream at her. not outwardly at least.

image found here
i remember years back when i was helping to lead the youth ministry at my old church and we taught a lesson about perspective and the way we view the world. we were trying to help the kids understand that they needed to see the world through a God's lens. one of the other leaders coined this term as "theoscope." this was derived from the Greek words "theo" meaning God and "scope" meaning to look or view carefully. so it was essentially the idea of viewing people, situations, the world through this God-lens and not through our own distorted view.

oh how i wish it was easier to do that. right now it feels like my lenses are covered with the fog of betrayal and brokenness and i find it so hard to put them down. sometimes we're afraid to see the world through clear lenses (free of the hurt and pain) because it feels like it lessens the severity of our situation. we like the dirty lens. we want others to see it. to acknowledge it. to suffer in the pain with us. to know we aren't alone.

at least that's true of me today.

i don't really have a conclusion for this post because i'm still-so-in-it. i just had to share it. writing has been therapeutic for me right now. that could last or fade, but for now i'm going with it.


Kristin Williams Balla said...

Susan, this is oh-so-true. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are a truly beautiful young woman - inside and out.

Unknown said...

I have no idea what is going on but I pray that everything gets smoothed out and back to normal ASAP! I hope you feel all of our prayers.

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

Susan, I felt this way this morning after turning on the news. Well, in the middle of the night I actually heard through twitter about all the devastation in japan, now hawaii, and soon to be cali and my heart just broke. All these people, deaths, destructions of their homes, etc. But here's the thing, none of that changes where you're at. Your hurt, your feelings are all still very much validated no matter what's "worse" or whatever going around. Either way, I love you tons and you are an amazing example of Gods love.

Christina said...

Susan....I couldn't agree with Katie more. I don't know what is going on, but just because someone else may be in a "worse" situation, doesn't mean your heart should hurt less. I've been praying for you. God's hand is upon you and He will guide you through this storm. Trust Him...because after the rain pours will see a beautiful rainbow. I love you.

Lucy Marie said...

Susan - I have to agree with Katie. There is hurt in this world. And no matter who is hurting more/less than you - the truth is, you are still hurting. And that is okay. You are allowed to hurt and feel pain. The thought process that is evident in this post is a testament to your faith and devotion to your Lord. Your writing is beautfiul and my prayer is that God will allow some sort of peace and healing in your heart through the writing process. I am praying for you continuously.

Bethany said...

Since you've been sharing a little of your hurt, Job has been on my mind. He, like you, was so faithful to God and by no means merited the turmoil he went through. He truly had a theoscope. He refused to curse God. It didn't mean he hurt less or that his situations didn't devastate his life, it DID mean that he questioned God. If I had been him I would not have been so strong. You do remind me of him. We've all been through hurts, but you are still staying faithful to God and he will bless you for it. Job was blessed with double of everything that was robbed of him. God's "susan-scope" is on and I know he is watching you and hurting with you. I believe that He will restore to you fully what has been taken from you. Job's life didn't return to what it was, but God provided newness. I pray that you will continue to have the strength to stay close to God, to be accountable to your closest friends and family and that God will ease the pain and bring peace and restitution. Love you and praying too.

a blog full of weldons. said...

i'm hurting for you right now, my dear, and praying praying praying for healing.

Gina said...

You are amazing. You have every right to feel any emotion that wells inside of you, but you are so strong for being able to think about perspective right now.

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

I love your blog redesign :) just sayin'.